Baby #2 Bumpdate: The Fourth Month

This last month has been a crazy one!  We moved to a new house, Liam and I traveled to Hungary with my mom to see family, the hubby was away at annual training, and he came back to firefighting with lots of overtime and starting a second job for the summer.  I'm looking forward to the two vacations we have coming up: one is a long-overdue hubby-and-me romantic getaway and the other is a family vacation.  We haven't been out alone together for longer than few hours since Liam was born (and rarely at that) so it will be very refreshing to have five whole days together, a much needed time to catch-up and regroup as we get ready for more big changes ahead for our little family.

Second trimester is treating me more kindly, thankfully.  I'm in the second trimester bliss of little-to-no symptoms.  I read a post on Facebook the other day that described the trimesters of pregnancy as:
1. Sick and tired
2. Aww...the baby is kicking!
3. Get this baby outta me!!!

This seems to sum my thoughts up pretty perfectly.  I'm in the happy "the baby is kicking" stage :).  I guess I'm not alone in this being my favorite trimester.  If only my energy were higher... Moving boxes and unpacking and painting and especially toddler chasing/wrangling/toting  is exhausting! 

How far along today: 19 weeks + 2 days

Baby size:  At 19 weeks, baby was the size of a mango, approximately 6 inches long and 0.5 lbs.  This little one seems to be measuring a week ahead so far, though.

Trimester: Second trimester bliss.  Other than the continued lack of energy, I'm definitely in the sweet spot of pregnancy.  I'm not so big as to be uncomfortable, starting to show more (though people still seem to have no idea I'm pregnant until I tell them), and able to eat A LOT (which is a blessing and a curse).

Gender: As I announced in my Gender Reveal Post, it's a BOY!  I'm excited that Liam will have a little brother close in age.  I always wanted a sister near my age when I was a kid.  I hope Liam enjoys his "built-in best friend" and that the boys are close their entire lives.

Name: We have a name!  Almost...  We were 100% sure about it then I started to hesitate (it's always me that's unsure, of course).  Probably just goes along with being so emotional, hormonal and, well, pregnant.  I will do a post announcing the name as soon as we are sure for sure :).

Movement: I started feeling very distinct movement when I lay down at night at 15 weeks (it was 17 weeks with Liam so that was exciting!).  By 16 weeks, I could feel baby boy moving when I was sitting still during the day too.  The first daytime movement I felt was actually on the airplane home from Hungary.  Those twinges from tiny limbs grazing my uterus as well as the sensation of him tumbling was so wonderful to finally feel! And they are getting stronger every week.  It feels like anything from what I would describe as something akin to muscle twitches to little pokes.  I'm loving it! (Although he seems to be most active at night...which is not helping my insomnia troubles. But I do get some special time to think about and bond with this newest little man in my life.)

Cravings: Oh man, can I eat!  And I am very easily influenced by pictures and people talking about food.  It's like something clicks in my brain and it says "I gotta have THAT!"  But as far as specific things that are frequent cravings: sour candy is still a big thing, the newest is honey butter, grapefruits, white peaches, fruit in general, and chocolate cake.

Aversions: These seem to have toned down a lot.  Some seafood (not all types like during first trimester) still seems to turn on my gag reflex and I can't swallow.  It's a lot less extreme now though because the smell alone doesn't bother me as much.  

Some cleaning products make me sneeze and my eyes water that never bothered me before.  I wasn't even using them.  I was in the next room so it seemed kind of dramatic and definitely out of the norm for me.

The Not So Fun Pregnancy Stuff: Thankfully the daily nausea is a thing of the past now.  My morning sickness went away at 14 weeks (lasting just one week longer than with Liam). I do get a wave of nausea randomly sometimes but it's so much weaker and lasts such a short time that I'll go ahead and say it is not morning sickness anymore.  I haven't needed Zofran since 14 weeks.  Unfortunately, I did still have morning sickness while we were moving so there were some unhappy times spent over the toilet.  I think sheer exhaustion makes morning sickness worse.  It faded once life settled down a little.

I'm really thirsty during the day and night and I seem to get dehydrated easily, but it is summer in the South.  Braxton-Hicks are often my warning that I'm low on my fluid intake (my OB taught me to heed this during my first pregnancy).  I also pay attention to urine color (sorry for the TMI) thanks to my Soldier/firefighter husband's training.  But sometimes I still don't drink enough and end up feeling faint.  I've learned that it's just time to sit down and drink lots of water and it'll fade.

I still cry really easily. I'm not sure that'll change anytime soon, but my poor hubby sometimes is very confused when happy things make me sob...

Insomnia is a big struggle right now.  I'm not big yet but it still seems hard to get comfortable at night.  My breasts are sore and I like to lay on my stomach but my uterus is starting to feel like I'm laying on a hard ball.  My brain also won't slow down!  There is too much to think about and in the stillness, all the thoughts come rushing in. Figuring out exactly how to expand our cloth diaper stash as well as how to set up the two rooms for the boys has been a recent obsession.

Most exciting moments: Feeling those first tumbling movements and tiny twitch-like sensations of little man brushing the inside of my uterus have to rank as the #1 most exciting moments.  I remember laying awake trying to decide if what I felt was the baby for sure until one night there was no doubt!  I treasure those moments of stillness so much.  I try and picture what the little guy is doing, talk to him if I'm alone, and try to feel him with my hand from the outside.

Finding out the gender for sure was also exciting!  It was so different than with Liam.  We found out that baby #2 was likely a boy for the first time at 12 weeks + 3 days!  I wasn't even really ready to know.  With Liam, I was dying of impatience by the time we found out at 17 weeks.  However, since it was so early this time, it wasn't for sure and we waited before we got completely set on the gender.  My OB confirmed that it is a boy at my 17 week check up.  It took her about 10 seconds to find his "goods".  She tried to see Liam's gender too around 16 weeks but he was always curled up in a ball with his ankles crossed, hands on thighs.  Baby boy #2 likes to "let it all hang out" it seems.  We're already prepared for a completely different personality with this little guy.  It's amazing how different he's acted than his big brother already!

What I'm most looking forward to: I can't wait to settle on a name and share it with everyone!  I'm also really looking forward to the anatomy ultrasound that we'll have at 21 weeks.  I'm hoping to hear the best and most important news: that this little guy is perfectly healthy!  It'll be nice to see him in action again and see how much he's grown.  I'm also curious if he's still measuring big (even my uterus measured a week bigger at my last appointment!).  It surprises me because Liam always measured small and neither the hubs nor I are exactly big people.

I'm also really looking forward to having the hubby feel this little guy moving around.  He's so much more active than Liam was so I'm hoping that he will be able to feel the kicks sooner.  Liam is our stubborn one.  He would stop moving as soon as his Daddy put his hand on my belly.  It was very frustrating.  The hubs felt a hard knob of a foot or bottom or skull but not really much kicking.

Big Brother: Liam really enjoyed himself in Hungary with my cousins' kids.  There were 7 kids, with the youngest being only a year older than Liam.  There was a lot of competitiveness but they also had a lot of fun. His vocabulary really started taking off while we were there so he picked up a lot of Hungarian words (and even a few German ones).  It's so fun to hear him talk.  He repeats everything we say now though so we have to be careful!  

I've explained to him that there is a baby in my tummy.  I think I may have confused him though because he proudly points to his, mine, or even his dad's belly button and announces "baba" (baby in Hungarian).  We're still working on explaining the concept that the baby is only in my belly ;).

Our plans for his big boy room are shaping up.  We're going with a space/Mickey Mouse theme.  I've already ordered his curtains, bought a planet projection night light, and he has a fan that matches the theme.  We've decided to go with a toddler bed and it will probably be a Mickey Mouse one.  I'm hoping he is excited about his new room and fun new bed and that he transitions smoothly.  I'm pretty nervous about the freedom to roam that he will have and worry that he will develop sleep problems.

Liam has grown up so much in the last few months I can barely keep up!  I'm trying to get in extra cuddles and rocking before he doesn't want those things at all anymore and before little brother arrives and we all have to find our new norm.

The Mommy Side of "Routine" Surgery

My son got ear tubes today--bilateral myringotomy with tympanostomy tubes in medical jargon.

I watched dozens of these surgeries when I was a third year medical student rotating through Pediatric ENT, which was actually a surgical subspecialty I enjoyed.  I'm really not a surgeon type, in case you couldn't tell. Wearing hot scrub gowns and masks while holding retractors all day is not my image of paradise.  But ear tubes and tonsillectomies were pretty cool.  First off, you didn't have to gown up so no sweating and having to avoid scratching your face the entire day.  Second, the kids were pretty healthy and super cute before you put them to sleep.  And, last, the procedures lasted 30-45 minutes tops (and this was rare).  Ear tubes were the most minimal of the surgeries.  They take about 15 minutes.  They are very quick and purely routine.  In other words, not a big deal.

Until you're the mom.

From my understanding and experience, ear tubes were usually placed after struggling with many, many ear infections.  Liam had had one that we knew of.  But he had fluid in his ears that may have been there since the fall and he had since started developing a speech delay that was becoming concerning by his 15 month check up.  His pediatrician sent us to an ENT who recommended ear tubes.  To explain why, the ENT told us to stick both fingers into our ears.  That is how my baby was hearing.  His tympanogram backed this up, showing that the ear drum on one side was not moving at all and barely so on the other.  But the ENT also reassured me that I had time to think and decide.  A few weeks would not change anything.

I agonized over the decision of whether or not to have my son undergo this surgery.  No surgery is without risk.  The dangers of anesthesia (though it's really more like sedation in this case and is about as low risk as it gets) are not a joke.  I know about those rare cases where a patient can start breaking down their own muscle in reaction to the anesthesia, get acidotic, overheat, and die.  Of course that's the extreme but some studies are blaming general anesthesia for lost IQ points, increased ADHD and other behavior problems.  And there's the more common and well-known risks of breathing disturbances, aspiration, nausea, vomiting, and headaches.  Then there's the possible complications of the surgery itself: needing more ear tubes, scarring of the ear drum, a permanent hole in the ear drum, hearing loss... the possibilities go on and on.   I knew too much and couldn't help worrying about it.

Different doctors advised us to do different things.  The fluid could clear.  It was almost spring; fluid clears in the spring.  Or he could get retractions and scarring.  But that's rare and the surgery could cause it too...  It was confusing to say the least, but the overwhelming message seemed to be "get the tubes...they will help him hear and feel better.  You won't regret it."

I did some research and found a great article from the AAP that I thought I would share with others who are in the processing phase after being told by a physician that their child needs ear tubes.  Here's the link: AAP Practice Guidelines: Otitis Media with Effusion The article restated what I already knew: that tubes are overused and that the surgery is not without risk.  But there are instances when it is the best choice.  It shared some criteria that have been identified in children to predict better outcomes when tubes are placed.  Liam fit the criteria because he has a speech delay.

 During the period of time (a few weeks) that we were thinking about whether to go ahead with the surgery or not, we started noticing more and more that he didn't seem to hear very well.  My mom tried the blink test by snapping near his ears--no response.  One of my friends tried to get his attention by clapping loudly--not even a flinch.  His speech delay seemed to worsen instead of improve.  He stopped saying "Bubbo" (for our cat Bubbles) and even went through a period where he stopped saying "Mama."

So, we decided. We needed to give him the best chance for building his vocabulary as soon as possible.  I went to his ENT the next day and scheduled the surgery feeling that we were making the right decision.

From my rotation through Peds ENT, the thing I remember the most is actually the part that I dreaded the most.  The part where the kids are wheeled away from their parents, sometimes screaming at the top of their lungs.  Back then, my son was about 5 months old.  With my new-found maternal love, I felt the heartbreak of the parents each time, and I teared up frequently. (The hormones were still flowing strongly...but perhaps they never stop for us moms because I never was a crier but I still am today).  I was thinking how terrible it would be if that were me...

Fast forward a year to today and it was me.

 Liam is a typical toddler and did not wait quietly in the pre-op room.  We roamed the hallway with him.  He was hardly anxious. But I teared up as I saw other kids being wheeled away. I was surprisingly dry eyed when it was our turn.  We had refused the Versed they wanted to use to ease the separation anxiety because I felt it unnecessary to add to the many medications he was already going to receive (much to the disappointment of the anesthesiologist who I could not assure that he would go back to the OR without shedding tears).  But I tucked him in on the gurney with his security blanket and paci.  The nurse pretended the bed was a choo choo train and I advised them not to force him to lay down so they let him ride sitting up.  I clapped for him as they wheeled him off and thankfully he didn't shed a single tear while I could still see and hear him.


Those 15-20 minutes we waited felt like an eternity.  I was just beginning to worry when they called our names.  My husband says I ran to my baby.  He couldn't even keep up (that's saying a lot if you know my runner).

Liam was a champ.  He was the happiest of all the babies that were in recovery (the nurse told us that the distraught baby next to us had received Versed and in his opinion with short procedures like this, it irritates them much more upon awakening due to leaving them with a drunken feeling that they can't shake as the anesthesia wears off).  My baby was pretty happy as he snoozed once I was holding him and he had his paci firmly back in place.  Then, in about 15 minutes, the anesthesia mostly wore off and he woke up. We dressed him and we were off.  He even downed a Mango squeezy snack and some crackers in the car on the way home.

Now, 12 hours later, I feel even more confident in our decision (thank goodness!).  Besides sorely needing a nap when we got home and being a little dizzy and somewhat grumpy intermittently, he has acted pretty happy today.  (Though he despises those ear drops we have to give twice a day!)  He loves his prize from the OR, a pretend sword and shield.

But the biggest thing that we are overjoyed about: our baby boy can hear so much better!  We can already tell.  He's started making new vocalizations (of course no new words yet since it hasn't even been a day).  But there is change.  Even the way he says "uh-oh" is different. My husband described it sounding as if Liam can finally hear himself and can self correct the sounds.  He's also more sensitive to noises. He jumped and covered his ears when I dropped one of his books onto the carpeted floor in our living room (never has he done this!).  He also announced proudly "Uh-ooohhhh!" when the Keurig hissed out my hot chocolate after lunch.  I'm excited just thinking of all the new sounds he can hear now!  I can't wait to hear his precious voice talking to us soon!

To Moms Whose Babies Reach Milestones "Late"

I've been reading a lot of these "letters" to mothers, wives, etc.  This letter is to me and all the moms who have struggled with their babies having "late" milestones.  I hope mothers going through a similar experience will find some encouragement.

To the mothers whose baby met every single milestone "late"; to the mom to whom on some days Facebook feels like just another painful reminder of how far "behind" your baby is; to the mom who actually has had a daycare worker ask you if you are holding your child "too much" or somehow preventing him or her from sitting/crawling/walking or whatever the current "late" milestone may be; to the mother who worries every day despite being told not to worry by other mothers who've gone through the same thing; to the mom who cheers her child on even louder and prouder than other moms because instead of dreading the new stage that reaching a developmental milestone brings and mourning the loss of another "baby" feature, you're proud (and relieved) that finally, finally your baby has learned to do something that you've both been working on so hard together.

Let me start by saying: you are not alone.  I am struggling with this and all the emotions that go along with it.  My son turned 15 months yesterday.  He can't walk. In fact, he can't even stand without holding onto something.  He cruises and crawls like a champ but so did all the babies in his daycare class at 10 months old.  

He has been 3+ months "late" on each and every physical milestone (except throwing a ball overhanded, which he did at 8 months :).  He rolled over front to back at 5 months, back to front at 8 months. He sat at 7 months.  He crawled at 10 months.  He (finally) pulled up at 11 months.  

And at each and every milestone I worried.  I'm a mom.  I can't help myself...it's hard not to worry when I see babies more than 3 months younger than mine walking.  

My husband reminds me often that our baby IS "normal" and healthy.  And I know most likely everything is fine and I shouldn't worry because milestones are just averages.  Standards set like lines drawn in the sand.  There is something inherently artificial and generalized about them.  Your baby does not have to necessarily fit these perfectly.  Development ranges widely, naturally.  

My cousin reassured me that it must be genetic because her 3 kids did the same thing.  They were behind, every time.  Her youngest didn't crawl until 12 months!  She's 2 and a half now and running around like all the other kids.  You'd never know any of the 3 had any differences in timing of milestones as babies.

I scoured the internet and (as you would expect) found an incredible number of differing opinions and stories. But one mom's words to another mom who has a 15 month old son (just like me) who isn't walking, really helped me so I thought I'd share them. 

Your son is totally normal. I understand how you feel though. My daughter just started walking at 15.5 months. She was slow with all of her physical milestones. At 12 months, her Dr. sent us to physical therapy, which was incredibly scary to me. The PT told us that she was totally normal and that she would walk when she was ready. So, that was our first and last visit. One night after dinner, she was cruising around the furniture and then just let go and started walking, practically running. It was SOOO exciting. Looking back, I feel like I was lucky to have a late walker. She was more baby-like for longer. Now, she is a full-blown toddler, with things to do and places to go. And remember, it is totally normal for kids to walk from 12-18 months. ~mom who's been there 

                                       

So, I wanted to remind moms like me that, like anything else in life, waiting for something longer makes it that much sweeter. And, people like that daycare worker who, knowingly or not, make you feel as if you've "messed up" in parenting somehow because your baby reaches milestones later than other kids their age, are totally out of line.  (Since when is it ok to make someone feel bad for something they have no control over anyway?!)

Don't let anything (or anyone) take away your joy and your ability to soak up these precious "baby-like" moments. Relish in the fact that you were given the gift of just a few more of these beautiful memories. That's what I've decided to do. After all, my son wouldn't be doing things like holding onto my legs in order to follow me around or playing "hide-and-seek/crawl all over mommy when you find her" anymore if he could walk, would he?

They grow up too fast already. They certainly don't need us rushing them.