My Second Birth Story

Let me start by saying, I'm pretty much as unlikely a candidate to choose a home birth as they come but after my delivery this time and fighting pushy nurses and doctors for hours while in labor, I can see why some mothers choose that route. I had the delivery I wanted but it took a lot of standing up for myself and my (reasonable and educated) desires.  If it weren't for my medical training, I might have given into some of the bullying and had a very different outcome.

So to my story... The Tuesday before Thanksgiving was my ideal day for our second little guy to arrive. My doctor was on call and my best friend was staying with us so she could to watch my 2 year old son.  In hopes of convincing the little guy to come that day, I had my membranes stripped Monday afternoon.  My husband was able to be there and took me walking afterward.  (I am convinced this is key for stripping to work.)  My Captain husband went Army on me and we walked a lot.  First all around the hospital (about 2 miles) then, after dinner, every inch of our neighborhood.  My back and pelvis ached by the end of it (not unusual at this point in my pregnancy).

39 weeks and after a lot of walking

My best friend and her husband came over that night and we stayed up until about midnight. I never went to bed because I began having contractions 2-3 minutes apart. I was excited that they were so close together since I'd heard that second babies come faster. Thankfully, I had no idea this statistic did not apply to me. 

I told the hubby to sleep a little.  I laid down for maybe 2 minutes then paced and packed.  I woke him up at 1:30AM. We walked some more but the contractions were getting more intense so, for fear of waiting too long (my OB had strongly recommended I not stay at home as long as I did with my first delivery if I wanted an epidural), we headed to the hospital around 3AM, leaving my son asleep in his bed with my friends watching the monitor. (Best scenario ever! I had spent so much time worrying over having to drop him off somewhere in the middle of the night.)

On the drive is when it got a little weird. Walking kept my contractions at 2-3 minutes; sitting they slipped to 4-6. Still hospital worthy according to my OB but I worried about them spacing out more and stopping.  I was ready at this point and my mom was already on her way. We stopped and walked two more times in random parking lots just in case.  Besides, I like to walk when I'm in labor. Everything inside me is antsy and pushes me to keep moving.

At the hospital, they hooked me up to the monitors and confirmed that my contractions were strong and regular.  They insisted I lay in bed to be monitored for 2 hours before I could follow the "intermittent monitoring" order my OB had written on the chart.  (This was her promise that I would be allowed to walk so that I wouldn't wait so long to come to the hospital.)

Things went a little differently after those two hours than I had pictured.  Two different residents checked me 2 hours apart and both said I was 3cm dilated (one told us "3, almost 4" but must have reported 3 to the attending).  First, I was disappointed that I was only 3 or 4cm dilated because I had been 5cm with my first son at this level of pain and intensity of contractions (which is when I decided to go to the hospital with him too), but the biggest disappointment came from the medical team.  Based on "no change" in my cervix, it was decided somehow that I wasn't in labor (huh?!) and that they would send me home.  Now here's the kicker... a nurse told me that I would be sent home unless I agreed to have them start a Pitocin drip.

(I need to take a moment to say that Pitocin is a topic I will blog about one of these days because I feel very strongly about it.  Studies are there saying that Pitocin is very overused and associated with significant risk and that it should only be used when medically necessary. Yet the overuse continues and I've heard so many stories of less than ideal outcomes... But this is too big a topic to do justice to it here, so stay tuned for more on this later.)

I refused both the Pitocin and going home after listening to the attending physician monologue about how cervical checks are very subjective (he actually compared it to reaching into a wet sock) but never once checked me himself.  He also based his reasoning that I wasn't in active labor on the fact that I was talking to him (between contractions, hello!) and that I didn't "look in pain enough."  He never addressed our concerns about the obvious contractions on the monitor (that had been at less than 5 minutes apart for 5 hours at this point) or listened to my husband and mom say that I am in pain even if I don't fit his stereotype of pain reactions.  Nor did he give any credence to the fact that I had been in labor before and knew what it felt like (and he hadn't and couldn't! though I held back from saying this to him).

You can imagine how furious that man made me.

Perhaps I would have believed him that I wasn't in labor if this was my first child.  And perhaps I would've agreed to Pitocin if I was post-term or if I had much less knowledge on the subject but to me, his approach was all wrong.  If I wasn't in labor (which I knew I was), starting Pitocin = induction, something I didn't want unless absolutely necessary (because of the risks).  And if I was in labor, the monitor clearly showed strong, regular contractions and I didn't need a drug meant to induce contractions.  As long as the baby is happy, there is no time table, within reason and when membranes are intact, for the baby to be born once contractions start.

My doctor came and saved the day (thank goodness!) not too long afterward.  She checked me and declared that I was 4cm dilated and had been 2cm the evening before in her office and that although slow that was progress.  She stripped my membranes again and things really took off.  I was ready for an epidural (because of how much my pain increased) at 5cm not too long after that.

My nurse (a new one and a great one!) was surprised when I asked for the epidural.  Somehow, without ever being asked, it was decided that I didn't want an epidural.  In fact, she seemed concerned that I wanted to go home (what?! They were the ones trying to send me away! Hand-over between the night nurse and day nurse obviously failed).  She also thought I had not had regular prenatal care and was therefore missing lab work that was required in order to receive an epidural.  Thankfully, all of that was cleared up fairly quickly and after a quick refusal of the resident anesthesiologist, the attending gave me a perfect epidural.

Interestingly, the epidural revved up my contractions even more (the opposite of my last delivery).  Eventually, my doctor said I was completely dilated, and my nurse told me to let her know when it was "baby time."  I did and she called for my doctor and told me she'd be there in 5 minutes.  I remember saying "that is way too long! It's baby time!"  He was about to be born.  I convinced the nurse to check me just in case and after that, she somehow quickly procured my doctor.  I have video after my son was born and you can hear the nurse telling my OB "I didn't know she was THAT close." ;)

 And, long story short, after nearly 18 hours of labor (more than with my first son!), my healthy, squalling, beautiful 6lb 13oz son was born with just 2 pushes and no tears. The bed was never disassembled into stirrups (there wasn't time) so he was within my reach (and view) the whole time and came straight to my arms.  He nursed a few minutes later and I held him skin to skin until I couldn't handle not knowing his weight any longer.

The beginning was long but the ending was perfect.

 I could've done without the battling in between but otherwise, I wouldn't have had it any other way.

Moving on up... to a Big Boy Bed!

One of the decisions that comes with having a second baby so close to the first is whether you will invest in a second crib or transition the older child to a big kid bed.  We quickly decided on the second choice since Liam will have just turned 2 when our second son is born and the transition would be inevitable at some point a year or so after that.  We wanted to start the transition well before baby brother would arrive, but we decided to wait until after we had settled somewhat into our new house and Liam had adjusted to the new environment before springing more changes on him.

Meanwhile, I started searching for the "perfect big boy bed."  I read online articles and asked people I knew their opinions on twin vs toddler beds for almost 2 year olds.  This decision seemed a lot harder to me because both sides seemed to have pros and cons so I went back and forth on what was "best" for us.  On the one hand, a toddler bed seemed to be most crib-like.  In fact, Liam could keep the same mattress he was already using.  Many people said kids, especially younger ones like him, feel more secure because of the familiar mattress, size, and the close rails.  I liked that they are so low to the ground and have rails (though most of the rails seemed inadequate to me, leaving plenty of room to fall out).  We also really wanted his new bed to be something fun, which seemed to be something easily doable with a toddler bed.  I wanted this transition to be exciting and all about him being a "big boy" and nothing to do with little brother being on the way. As for the pros associated with a twin bed... we could buy a mattress that he could use possibly until his college days.  I also liked the thought of being able to cuddle before bedtime and read stories in his bed (I'm already dreading when we move the rocking chair out of his room). But I wanted all of the pros.  I didn't want to choose between the two.

I waited and waited.  Searched and searched.  Nothing felt right so I couldn't make up my mind.  Then one day, I was looking at a car bed and realized that it came in a twin-sized version.  The mattress could be lowered quite a bit, creating side rails all around.  Aha!  My "perfect" big boy bed.  It was fun and cute, low to the ground, had rails to keep him from falling out, had a long-term mattress size, and we could lay in the bed with him!  I even managed to find two on Craigslist, but one was sold.  That left one but the price was too high for us.  My husband haggled a bit then my mother-in-law and I went to see it that same day.  I fell in love even more when I saw it for the first time.  We couldn't wait to set it up the next day when my hubby was off work.

Immediately after we set up his bed.  He was so happy!

We spent his day off shopping for a mattress and bedding.  I loved seeing my husband so excited about the bed.  He actually picked the bedding (and therefore the theme for Liam's room).  When we set it up, my son went crazy with excitement.  He kept yelling "kai! kai! kai!".  (This is his word for car, one of his absolute favorite things.)

My hubby wanted to start trying to put him to bed in it that night so that he could be home on the first night (his firefighter schedule has 24 hour shifts).  Of course using the bed the same day you set it up is not the recommended method and I really understand why now.  I suggest leaving the new bed up and letting the child get used to it.  Despite Liam adoring his new bed and laying down in it immediately after we set it up and saying "night night" over and over, he was WAY too excited to sleep in it.  I've honestly never seen him so hyper.


We did our usual bedtime routine with reading in the rocking chair then listening to his bedtime song, and me singing to him (except I snuggled with him in the big bed for the last two parts).  But he could not settle down.  He jumped, he climbed, he stared into his night light pillow pet, he kicked the side of the bed, he pointed out things in the room and wiggled. I was very grateful we had decided to leave the crib in his room as well.  That first night, I moved him to his crib where he immediately fell asleep.

First night he fell asleep alone in his new bed

Parenting is often filled with trial and error.  And that is what happened with this transition.  Getting him to sleep in the big bed at night was my first goal.  He's always been a great night time sleeper but a horrible napper so it made sense to start with the easier transition first.  Each night I tried the same thing.  He would get calmer each day but as soon as I got up, he freaked out.  He'd climb out of bed and stand at his door sobbing.  The newness of the bed was just too much I guess.  He seemed scared to be alone in it, but he was too excited to fall asleep as long as I was in the bed with him. On the fifth night, his daddy cuddled with him in the bed for about an hour.  Daddy fell asleep.  But Liam fell asleep too!  A huge step forward!  After that, we had no trouble getting him to sleep alone in it at night.  Something in his brain must have clicked in place.  I'm not sure exactly why but that's all it took.  The next night and every night since then, he falls asleep alone in the car bed. We do our routine.  I lay with him a few minutes then I get up, tuck him in, tell him to have beautiful dreams, and I leave. He lays in bed and rubs the tie of his Michaelangelo pillow pet and falls asleep.

The next hurdle was getting him to sleep THROUGH the night.  The first night, he woke up at 2AM.  The hubs and I decided that for a while we would just put him in the crib if he woke up at night.  I wasn't keen on the idea of getting in his bed in the wee hours because I feel like a walking zombie and I know I would immediately fall asleep.  Just when we were thinking it might be time to lay him back in the car bed soon, he slept in it until 8:30AM one day.  And he's slept through the night in the car bed ever since then.  I guess he just had to get used to the new environment so he could be reassured when he opened his eyes and drift back to dreamland during those natural middle-of-the-night partial wakings that we all have.

The last and biggest hurdle was napping.  Like I said, he was never a good napper.  Not even when he was a tiny baby.  He pretty much never napped at daycare and when he was tiny, we had to use his swing or take him on a walk.  Since I've been home though, I've gotten him on a fairly good routine. It's not perfect since errands have run into nap time many a time, but nap time follows an hour or so after lunch.  He sometimes cries a bit or chatters but falls asleep well in his crib.  The big boy bed was just too much freedom though.  Without the confinement, he couldn't bring himself to lay down (which is what he needs to fall asleep).  He would get up and play in his room or chatter to me if I was laying with him.

One day I decided to try the method that worked at night.  I snuggled with him over an hour but to no avail.  (Some of the highlights of this mommy torture: me falling into stage 1 sleep about 50 times to be woken up by a jab or kick or wiggling, Liam picking his nose for the first time, kicking the bed, naming everything in the room including doors and stars, and my favorite was the headbutt he gave me that reduced him to sobbing from exhaustion and pain.)  I decided that this method could not work for me.  I was too frustrated and could not see the point in wearing myself out that much for a short break.

First nap in his car bed.

We switched gears (thankfully to a method that works).  I started reading Liam one story then laying him in the bed for nap time.  I had a talk with him each day informing him that he had 3 chances to sleep in the big boy bed (he very obviously prefers sleeping in the car).  If he got up a third time from his bed, he would be put in his crib.  Nap time would happen either way.  It was up to him to choose where he would sleep.  I stuck to my word.  No anger or frustration on my part just consistency (which is why I ditched the previous method...I couldn't meet this most important requirement).  It didn't work the first 3 days but I kept trying anyway.  It was at least a method I could deal with.  Nap time wasn't post-poned forever and I had a reasonable limit so I didn't feel frustrated beyond belief.

Today, it worked!  My big boy is sleeping in his car.  He stayed after the first warning and I am on cloud 9!  I've gone from being sad about this change to being quite ready for it.  Moving the crib out of his room and into his baby brother's is the final piece to completing his amazing Cars themed big boy room.  It is also the final touch needed for the nursery.  And we are close now.  I am one proud Mama.

What's in a Name?

Picking a name for your unborn child seems to be a perfect embodiment of marriage itself: two minds have to become one.  Two individuals from two different families and backgrounds with different life experiences, preferences, and memories have to come together to pick two important words.  Words that will be the first impression many people get of the child their union created for the rest of his or her life.

Like last pregnancy, my husband and I had many names one of us liked or loved and the other person hated.  Sometimes a negative memory was to blame.  Other times, our preferences just seemed to be polar opposite.

But name-picking is a beautiful process.  And having two equally sharing parties that differ in opinions are invaluable for this new little person.  And... I honestly really enjoy the search and the many discussions.  I've learned so much about my husband in the process.

All that being said, we are ready to announce baby boy #2's name! His name will be....

Coen Gabor

I want to give you some background on both his name and big brother's too since I didn't have a blog back when he was born.

Let's start with big brother.  His name is Liam Allan.

Allan is a family name on my husband's side.  My husband's middle name is Allan.  His father's middle name is Allan and so was his late grandfather's.  I love that the tradition to pass on names in his family focuses on middle names.  It gives history without taking away individuality.  I decided during my pregnancy with Liam that I wanted to start a similar tradition with all of our kids' names someday.

Liam is a name I fell in love with during a rotation I did in my medical school's daycare.  The cutest little 10 month old there was named Liam.  He was so lovable that it made me love his name. I also loved that I had never met anyone else with that name.  As an added bonus, my husband's father is William Allan (but he goes by the name Allan).  The fact that Liam is a form of William gave it a family name perspective but still kept its uniqueness because it wasn't a carbon copy family first name.  I was excited when the grandparents all seemed to like it immediately as well.

Since my name is Jennifer (the number one name from 1970-1984 in this country), ever since I was a little kid, I wanted to name my kids less common names so that they wouldn't be dubbed "so-and-so-first-initial" in their classrooms.  Liam was ranked #15 in 2011. This is the number we were faced with when we were choosing his name.  We hesitated a little over the name because of its high rank, but that was its first year in the top 25 and only the second year in the top 40 so it didn't seem too popular.  Of course,  it ended up rising to #6 in his birth year.  Fast-forward to last year and it's now #2.  I hope he doesn't end up feeling like his name is too common because to me it still feels unique.  It fits him perfectly and I love it even more than I did when we chose it.

Now for baby brother Coen Gabor.

Gabor is the family name for him.  It is my father's name and was also my late grandfather's name.  It is a name that appears often in my family.  I have a cousin and a second cousin with the name too.  For this reason and because people always seemed to butcher the pronunciation for my Dad, we decided to use it as a middle name.  It also continues the tradition we started in our own family with Liam by giving him the family name as a middle name.

Coen is a name we were introduced to because of a friend in my husband's Army unit.  He has a son Liam's age that is named Cohen.  When I heard the name, I fell in love with it. I was unaware of their chosen spelling but my husband and I both imagined it spelled Coen.  We are both drawn to short names and as I said earlier, unique ones.  I have yet to meet another Coen.  I did a lot of reading about the name and found that Coen is a shortened version of the Dutch name Coenraad.  Just like Liam is short for William.  Once again, it just feels perfect for our little guy.

And the meanings are perfect too.  Liam means "protector".  What a great name for a big brother!  It also fits his sweet personality so well.  He is already so protective of his mama!  And the one time he's been with a smaller baby, he was so gentle and sweet with her.  Coen means "brave".  Little brothers can always use a healthy dose of bravery ;).  Being the little guy can be tough!

I'll leave you with a sneak peak of Coen's nursery (though the color in the picture does not do the real-life version justice) and the new addition to our kids' growth chart.  Nesting is in full force.  I can't wait to share more nursery pictures and pictures of Liam's big boy room as we finish up.  I also plan to do a 21 month update on Liam and a 5th month bumpdate... soon :).

 

Baby #2 Bumpdate: The Fourth Month

This last month has been a crazy one!  We moved to a new house, Liam and I traveled to Hungary with my mom to see family, the hubby was away at annual training, and he came back to firefighting with lots of overtime and starting a second job for the summer.  I'm looking forward to the two vacations we have coming up: one is a long-overdue hubby-and-me romantic getaway and the other is a family vacation.  We haven't been out alone together for longer than few hours since Liam was born (and rarely at that) so it will be very refreshing to have five whole days together, a much needed time to catch-up and regroup as we get ready for more big changes ahead for our little family.

Second trimester is treating me more kindly, thankfully.  I'm in the second trimester bliss of little-to-no symptoms.  I read a post on Facebook the other day that described the trimesters of pregnancy as:
1. Sick and tired
2. Aww...the baby is kicking!
3. Get this baby outta me!!!

This seems to sum my thoughts up pretty perfectly.  I'm in the happy "the baby is kicking" stage :).  I guess I'm not alone in this being my favorite trimester.  If only my energy were higher... Moving boxes and unpacking and painting and especially toddler chasing/wrangling/toting  is exhausting! 

How far along today: 19 weeks + 2 days

Baby size:  At 19 weeks, baby was the size of a mango, approximately 6 inches long and 0.5 lbs.  This little one seems to be measuring a week ahead so far, though.

Trimester: Second trimester bliss.  Other than the continued lack of energy, I'm definitely in the sweet spot of pregnancy.  I'm not so big as to be uncomfortable, starting to show more (though people still seem to have no idea I'm pregnant until I tell them), and able to eat A LOT (which is a blessing and a curse).

Gender: As I announced in my Gender Reveal Post, it's a BOY!  I'm excited that Liam will have a little brother close in age.  I always wanted a sister near my age when I was a kid.  I hope Liam enjoys his "built-in best friend" and that the boys are close their entire lives.

Name: We have a name!  Almost...  We were 100% sure about it then I started to hesitate (it's always me that's unsure, of course).  Probably just goes along with being so emotional, hormonal and, well, pregnant.  I will do a post announcing the name as soon as we are sure for sure :).

Movement: I started feeling very distinct movement when I lay down at night at 15 weeks (it was 17 weeks with Liam so that was exciting!).  By 16 weeks, I could feel baby boy moving when I was sitting still during the day too.  The first daytime movement I felt was actually on the airplane home from Hungary.  Those twinges from tiny limbs grazing my uterus as well as the sensation of him tumbling was so wonderful to finally feel! And they are getting stronger every week.  It feels like anything from what I would describe as something akin to muscle twitches to little pokes.  I'm loving it! (Although he seems to be most active at night...which is not helping my insomnia troubles. But I do get some special time to think about and bond with this newest little man in my life.)

Cravings: Oh man, can I eat!  And I am very easily influenced by pictures and people talking about food.  It's like something clicks in my brain and it says "I gotta have THAT!"  But as far as specific things that are frequent cravings: sour candy is still a big thing, the newest is honey butter, grapefruits, white peaches, fruit in general, and chocolate cake.

Aversions: These seem to have toned down a lot.  Some seafood (not all types like during first trimester) still seems to turn on my gag reflex and I can't swallow.  It's a lot less extreme now though because the smell alone doesn't bother me as much.  

Some cleaning products make me sneeze and my eyes water that never bothered me before.  I wasn't even using them.  I was in the next room so it seemed kind of dramatic and definitely out of the norm for me.

The Not So Fun Pregnancy Stuff: Thankfully the daily nausea is a thing of the past now.  My morning sickness went away at 14 weeks (lasting just one week longer than with Liam). I do get a wave of nausea randomly sometimes but it's so much weaker and lasts such a short time that I'll go ahead and say it is not morning sickness anymore.  I haven't needed Zofran since 14 weeks.  Unfortunately, I did still have morning sickness while we were moving so there were some unhappy times spent over the toilet.  I think sheer exhaustion makes morning sickness worse.  It faded once life settled down a little.

I'm really thirsty during the day and night and I seem to get dehydrated easily, but it is summer in the South.  Braxton-Hicks are often my warning that I'm low on my fluid intake (my OB taught me to heed this during my first pregnancy).  I also pay attention to urine color (sorry for the TMI) thanks to my Soldier/firefighter husband's training.  But sometimes I still don't drink enough and end up feeling faint.  I've learned that it's just time to sit down and drink lots of water and it'll fade.

I still cry really easily. I'm not sure that'll change anytime soon, but my poor hubby sometimes is very confused when happy things make me sob...

Insomnia is a big struggle right now.  I'm not big yet but it still seems hard to get comfortable at night.  My breasts are sore and I like to lay on my stomach but my uterus is starting to feel like I'm laying on a hard ball.  My brain also won't slow down!  There is too much to think about and in the stillness, all the thoughts come rushing in. Figuring out exactly how to expand our cloth diaper stash as well as how to set up the two rooms for the boys has been a recent obsession.

Most exciting moments: Feeling those first tumbling movements and tiny twitch-like sensations of little man brushing the inside of my uterus have to rank as the #1 most exciting moments.  I remember laying awake trying to decide if what I felt was the baby for sure until one night there was no doubt!  I treasure those moments of stillness so much.  I try and picture what the little guy is doing, talk to him if I'm alone, and try to feel him with my hand from the outside.

Finding out the gender for sure was also exciting!  It was so different than with Liam.  We found out that baby #2 was likely a boy for the first time at 12 weeks + 3 days!  I wasn't even really ready to know.  With Liam, I was dying of impatience by the time we found out at 17 weeks.  However, since it was so early this time, it wasn't for sure and we waited before we got completely set on the gender.  My OB confirmed that it is a boy at my 17 week check up.  It took her about 10 seconds to find his "goods".  She tried to see Liam's gender too around 16 weeks but he was always curled up in a ball with his ankles crossed, hands on thighs.  Baby boy #2 likes to "let it all hang out" it seems.  We're already prepared for a completely different personality with this little guy.  It's amazing how different he's acted than his big brother already!

What I'm most looking forward to: I can't wait to settle on a name and share it with everyone!  I'm also really looking forward to the anatomy ultrasound that we'll have at 21 weeks.  I'm hoping to hear the best and most important news: that this little guy is perfectly healthy!  It'll be nice to see him in action again and see how much he's grown.  I'm also curious if he's still measuring big (even my uterus measured a week bigger at my last appointment!).  It surprises me because Liam always measured small and neither the hubs nor I are exactly big people.

I'm also really looking forward to having the hubby feel this little guy moving around.  He's so much more active than Liam was so I'm hoping that he will be able to feel the kicks sooner.  Liam is our stubborn one.  He would stop moving as soon as his Daddy put his hand on my belly.  It was very frustrating.  The hubs felt a hard knob of a foot or bottom or skull but not really much kicking.

Big Brother: Liam really enjoyed himself in Hungary with my cousins' kids.  There were 7 kids, with the youngest being only a year older than Liam.  There was a lot of competitiveness but they also had a lot of fun. His vocabulary really started taking off while we were there so he picked up a lot of Hungarian words (and even a few German ones).  It's so fun to hear him talk.  He repeats everything we say now though so we have to be careful!  

I've explained to him that there is a baby in my tummy.  I think I may have confused him though because he proudly points to his, mine, or even his dad's belly button and announces "baba" (baby in Hungarian).  We're still working on explaining the concept that the baby is only in my belly ;).

Our plans for his big boy room are shaping up.  We're going with a space/Mickey Mouse theme.  I've already ordered his curtains, bought a planet projection night light, and he has a fan that matches the theme.  We've decided to go with a toddler bed and it will probably be a Mickey Mouse one.  I'm hoping he is excited about his new room and fun new bed and that he transitions smoothly.  I'm pretty nervous about the freedom to roam that he will have and worry that he will develop sleep problems.

Liam has grown up so much in the last few months I can barely keep up!  I'm trying to get in extra cuddles and rocking before he doesn't want those things at all anymore and before little brother arrives and we all have to find our new norm.

Gender Reveal

We are excited to announce that.... 

It's a BOY! 

This winter, our family is growing by two feet... two more little boy feet! Bring on the hand-me-downs and rough and rowdy brotherly play!

Liam doesn't know what to think about his baby brother yet.  I love his face in this picture.  He looks like "What is this?! These are too small for me! Where is the impostor???"

We are very excited that Liam is going to have a little brother!  I can't wait to see this new little guy's personality and how Liam adjusts to being a big brother.  I am looking forward to seeing our boys grow up playing together.  I always wished for a sister with when I was a little girl.  I hope that Liam finds the camaraderie and closeness I longed for back then, in his little brother.  I pray that they will be close friends their entire lives.  As one mom whose blog I read tells her boys, "having a brother is like having a built in best friend for life."  I will be reminding my boys of this often. 

We had a fun photo shoot today with Daddy (he's home from annual training!).  Here's my favorite picture: me and my little men. 

 This Mama is one blessed woman to be surrounded by all these handsome guys who love on me.  I am officially a "boy mom" double time :).

It's a... 12 Gender Predictions for Baby #2

Source for shoes picture

One experience common to pregnant women is an intense yearning to know whether their little one is a boy or girl.  Some people choose to find out by elective ultrasound, others wait for their anatomy scan, and still others prefer to keep the surprise until birth.  But every mother wonders.  And from this wondering has developed many many methods for guessing baby's gender.  Guessing being the key word.

Here are a few that I tried this go-around.  These are just for fun!  Especially the old wives' tales are not meant to be taken seriously.  I quite enjoyed putting this together and hope you enjoy the results.  The hands-on ones in particular made me feel like a kid again experimenting in my bathroom with my best friend.  From wives' tales and seemingly silly stuff to somewhat more scientific guesses, here's how baby #2 ranked on each.  (You can find the first 9 at this link: wives tales)

1.  How are you carrying?  

Low means boy; high means girl.  Showing mostly in the front suggests you're carrying a boy; expanding horizontally is a girl.

As with my first pregnancy, I can't really tell this early about carrying low or high since my uterus hasn't even reached my belly button yet (that's a 20 week milestone).  I carried Liam very high but had no idea about that until well after we already knew his gender (and strangers continually insisted he was a girl as a result).

I can say that I do seem to be carrying out front, though.  At any rate, I haven't seemed to round out anywhere else (yet).  So, based on this... BOY!

2.  Break outs

Little girls are said to steal their mothers' beauty so skin blemishes are a sign of a baby girl.

Well, for me, hormonal changes always give me acne.  Same with baby boy #1.  But, based on this... GIRL!

3.  Swinging ring

This is one of the kind of silly ones but you are supposed to tie your wedding ring on a string and hold it over your belly.  Swinging back and forth means girl.  Circle means boy.  So...GIRL!

4. Baking soda potty time

Baking soda + pee.  Fizzles = boy.  Not = girl.  So... BOY!

5.  Baby's heart rate

Under 140 bpm (some sources say 150) is supposed to be a boy.  Higher is a girl.

This little one has been consistently in the high 160s (as was Liam until way late into my pregnancy).  But based on this... GIRL! 

6.  Cravings

Salty and sour mean boy.  Sweet means girl.

Unfortunately, I crave both.  I've always been a sweet tooth though so that seems to be winning out...GIRL!

7. Chinese Gender Prediction

Based on your age at conception and the month of conception (using the Chinese lunar months), there is an ancient Chinese gender prediction calendar.  You can try and calculate yours here: Chinese Gender Predictor Tool.

Liam's said girl.  This time it says... BOY! 

8. Sympathy weight

If your husband is packing on the pounds with you, it's supposed to mean girl.

My husband watches his weight and is an avid runner. With Liam, he lost a bunch of weight (which I hated of course ;). He's stayed steady with his weight so far (it'd be hard not to since he's at Army training this month).  So... BOY!

9. Morning sickness

Morning sickness is supposed to mean girl.  

I had morning sickness with both of my pregnancies but it was definitely worse this go around so... GIRL!

10.  Mood swings
Mood swings are supposed to mean a baby girl since you have extra female hormones in your bloodstream.  OK, based on this it's definitely (just ask my husband)...GIRL!

11. Skull theory

I've had a bit more trouble understanding this one but the basic idea is that boys and girls have differently shaped skulls.  It's based off of the differences that grown men and women have in their skulls (which, it doesn't take much thought to realize that these changes are strongly influenced by hormones at puberty and may be absent in fetuses as a result).  But, here's a comparison.

  

Link to skull picture

From what I've read, the science isn't really there but here are the basic differences I could find that fetuses are supposed to show.  Males are supposed to have a more sloping or flat forehead while females' are more rounded.  Males also have a more blocky jaw and maybe a bigger occiput? (This is where it gets hard for me to see differences in the examples but if you want to try your guessing skills here's a link to a quiz: skull theory quiz slideshow.)

Here is our 12 weeks +2 days ultrasound of baby #2.

The forehead seems rounded to me (definitely not flat or sloping).  However, I can't really tell about the jaw or back of the head.  Feel free to correct me if you're a skull theory expert but based on the forehead I say... GIRL! 

12.  The angle of the dangle (AKA Nub Theory)

This is my grand finale because it has the most scientific basis.  In fact, a quick search of PubMed led me to believe that this guess can be more than 90% accurate (in perfect research scenarios with proper training and good equipment).  The theory claims that based on a side shot of the genital tubercle (lovingly known by many as the "nub"), you can tell girl vs. boy based on the angle it forms with the spine.  30 degrees or greater (pointing toward the head) means boy and parallel to spine means girl.

Angle of the dangle picture source

The basic concept is based on developmental biology and the progression of the indeterminate genital tubercle to penis or clitoris.  The penis elongates and moves upward.  Therefore, boy guesses are thought to be more accurate as girl guesses could be wrong if the ultrasound was simply a little too early.

Liam's nub was completely girly.  Here is baby #2's nub.... 

That, my friends, couldn't look more boyish if it tried.  So... we are thinking BOY!

We can't wait to see if this last one is accurate.  It's pretty crazy that I feel like we found out the gender at 12 weeks, but, like they say, we aren't going to paint the nursery yet. Anything this early is a guess, educated and scientific or not (my ultrasound tech didn't even want to look for said nub).

I'm really loving the 50/50 split between boy and girl predictions overall, though.  Liam's were all girl predictions (other than the hubby's lack of sympathy weight...which if that's what we're waiting on, we'll never have a girl).  It's fun to see that every pregnancy is different, even if the gender is the same.

Stay tuned to see if baby #2 ends up being baby boy #2!

Baby #2 Bumpdate: The Third Month

So, another month has flown by.  I've found that the weeks seem to pass more quickly with this pregnancy than they did with my first pregnancy.  I guess it's because Liam keeps us so busy (we've also been moving, the hubby started a new job, and we have a few other big things planned in the coming weeks).  Sometimes I feel pangs of guilt when I think about how obsessed I was with Liam when I was pregnant with him and how this time, the majority of the day passes without too many thoughts of Baby #2 (other than feeling like I have a stomach bug and counting down the days to second trimester of course ;).

Perhaps I'm being too hard on myself and life has just been crazy lately (but guilt-tripping myself has always been one of my strengths weaknesses).  There are many moments late at night when I lay awake thinking of our baby who is growing inside of me. This month, the hubby and I spent hours talking about potential baby names. I've obsessed over guessing gender. But mostly, I've laid awake in the stillness hoping to feel this little one move.  That is by far my favorite part of pregnancy. I felt Liam move for sure for the first time at 17 weeks. I remember how much those flutters bonded me with him and made the pregnancy feel real. I've felt two "maybe-flutters". But I'm really looking forward to the "for-sure ones"!

How far along today: 13 weeks+ 5 days.

Baby size:  At 13 weeks, the baby was the size of a peach, approximately 3 inches long and growing fast (as is my belly now)!

Trimester: Second!!  I'm looking forward to the nausea leaving completely (thankfully, it's already easing up some).  I could also really use the promised increase in energy that comes with this new trimester as I attempt to unpack this new house and finish up fixing things and moving stuff around with the hubby.  That stuff is exhauting enough without the additional first trimester "completely-drained" feeling. 

Gender: Nothing for sure yet but we have some speculations that I will share with you as soon as I can get a post together.  We'll see if my OB can catch a peek at my 17 week visit...

Movement: I have felt two flutters/taps that I'm fairly sure were the baby (based off of how those early kicks felt with Liam) but I can't wait to feel unmistakable ones many more times throughout the day!

Cravings: Yogurt, sour patch kids, burritos (Rosa Maria's would be amazing but Moe's is the best we have to curb this craving), cream of wheat with Ovaltine, toast with spreadable butter and jelly, and BBQ Lays potato chips. Unfortunately, one night of giving into the BBQ chips plus sour patch kids made for some horrible vomiting :(.

Aversions: Mexican restaurants, fried chicken, sometimes brushing my teeth (it's crazy and something I experienced with Liam too but it can really push me over the edge into horrible nausea some nights).

The Not So Fun Pregnancy Stuff: Nausea. That has been the biggest challenge this month. It started picking up around 11 weeks. Usually, if I throw up, it's while Liam is asleep (nights actually have been worse this pregnancy) but one morning I got sick and Liam watched me throw up. He patted me from an arms-length away and looked absolutely terrified. After that, I started taking Zofran every morning before I got up. There's no reason to put him through that. For about two weeks, I needed it twice a day even but, knock on wood, the nausea is waning. At any rate, it seems to have become more sporadic and less Zofran-dependent (though some mornings are still bad).  

Another challenge is the continued exhaustion. This has been a challenging month for our family in general.  The needed hard work with the added exhaustion has been a huge hurdle. Sometimes, my body just crashes and I nap after days of pushing myself to the limit and I can barely wake up even after 2 hours. The worst is behind us though, and hopefully, the pregnancy exhaustion will improve too. 

I cry really easily. (Motherhood already made me this way but pregnancy on top of it has increased the effect.) Baby books about growing up: I cry all the way through. And I won't even try I'll Love You Forever. I know better. 

Most exciting moments: Seeing the baby at 12 weeks and 3 days for the nuchal translucency ultrasound. I'm so grateful baby seems perfectly healthy! It is so incredible how much he/she grew! This fact as well as how amazing 3D is always gets me. I got to see tiny hands and toes and a beautiful profile and lots of movement. I'm bracing myself because this one seems to be a wild child. Liam was not anywhere near as active at this age. (He's making up for it now though!). I love hearing the heartbeat with my home Doppler. Since it's easier to find, I was able to share it with the hubby and my mom, which is always fun.  

It is also pretty exciting that I'm starting to show! It's a tiny baby bump but we can really tell now.  The hubby and I had fun taking these first of our baby bump pictures. 

What I'm most looking forward to: Finding out the gender for sure. It'll be fun to have the baby named! I'm also looking forward to settling into our new house. I need the chaos to end.

Big Brother: He has had a rough couple of weeks because of all the packing and moving. He tries so hard to help. He's a sweetheart but it is difficult since we aren't unpacked/baby-proofed and have to constantly accomplish needed tasks.

I tell him he's going to be a big brother soon all the time.  I'm sure he doesn't understand yet but we'll get there.  I'm starting to plan his new big boy room.  As I unpack, I'm starting to not see any point in setting his nursery back up the way it was (though it breaks my heart a little that we'll never have him in his nursery again).  We're planning on transitioning him to a toddler bed by his birthday so that he doesn't feel that the new baby is pushing him out of it.

I'm looking forward to a fun-filled summer with Liam.  It'll be his last as an only child.  And his first where I have lots of time to spend with him.  I'd like to do some special things with him like the zoo, the beach, swimming, etc.

Breastfeeding is Amazing Birth Control

Wait?  What did that title say?

Breastfeeding is amazing birth control.  This may be a shocker to you (it was to me), but this is a true statement for more people than you may think.  Me, being one of them.  I wanted to share my journey to discovering this hidden truth because the road was pretty bumpy for me.  I'm hoping I can spare someone the emotional roller coaster it took to get here.

Adulthood has been filled with discovery, the biggest one being that the ideal images of my future life that I dreamt up when I was younger, often just aren't reality.  Here's my reality. I will never be able to be pregnant and breastfeed.  I will never breastfeed through a pregnancy.  Tandem nursing is not in the cards for me (unless I have twins). My body simply refuses to lactate and prepare itself for pregnancy at the same time.  I'm not sure if the energy burden is too much or if my body was simply programmed not to ovulate or allow an embryo to implant until I have weaned my previous child.  Why, I don't know.  But the facts remain.

In medical school, I was taught that breastfeeding is one of the least effective methods of birth control. The minute you stop feeding your infant throughout the night and all through the day, it becomes an even less reliable form.  But be advised, once you start table food, you better have another method handy because breastfeeding is pretty much useless as a pregnancy prevention.  My OB even personally warned me of this, telling me that she herself conceived her second baby accidentally when her first was 7 months old because she didn't heed the well-known warnings and used breastfeeding as her only birth control.  We've all heard these stories.  I don't need to detail that some women can and do get pregnant while breastfeeding.  I think this concept gets plenty of attention.  If you don't believe me Google: pregnancy and breastfeeding.  You'll easily find articles on breastfeeding failing women as birth control.

What you won't find unless you dig and what I feel doesn't get enough attention, is the other side of the coin.  I feel that, in general, our country is often most focused on pregnancy prevention. To the point that trying to conceive (TTC) is minimized and overlooked.  Our first baby was conceived easily so I've never seen the other side either until now.  I realize from personal experience that all the attention given to prevention makes those of us having trouble conceiving feel like outsiders, as if something is wrong with us.  Facts are often hard to find and we're reduced to searching message boards where women vent their own frustrations (which has its place but is an inadequate replacement for reliable scientific facts).

My husband and I have always wanted our children to be close in age.  My husband wanted this because his sister is 18 months his elder and I wanted it because my brother was 7 years my elder.  Growing up, my husband and his sister were close friends while I often felt like I was an only child or lived with an uncle (by no fault of my brother; the age gap was just enormous.  He made plenty of attempts to reach across, but he graduated high school when I was in the fourth grade so... as you can imagine, we were in completely different stages for a long time).

 Because of this desire to have a sibling near Liam in age, we started TTC before he was even 12 months old.  I knew I didn't want to wean him at that point because I wanted to breastfeed until at least 12 months.  My plan was to let him wean himself after that point.

During the first few months of TTC, I started noticing that my cycles had gotten longer than before I had had Liam.  At first, I gave this no thought other than that it made the months of waiting stretch even longer.  I was having periods so I assumed I must be fertile.

By the time Liam was 12 months old, I stopped pumping during the day and we went to only nursing in the evening after work, before bed, and in the morning.  Still no luck getting pregnant.  I started thinking maybe that two evening feeds so close together were reducing my fertility so we cut back the next month to only nursing in the morning and at night.  I still sent breast milk with him to daycare (we had quite a stock in the freezer that I figured we might as well use that up).  It was a good compromise.  My baby was still getting breast milk three times a day and hopefully my cycles would adjust and we could conceive.

Still no luck so I started researching.  I found all sorts of articles on women getting pregnant while breastfeeding.  People telling their ooey gooey stories of tandem nursing and how wonderful it is and how people shouldn't judge them.  Trust me, I wasn't judging. I wanted to be there with them. I was actually starting to freak out that something was wrong with me.  5 months of trying to get pregnant and all we'd had was a chemical pregnancy.  And instead of regulating themselves, my cycles just seemed to get longer and longer each month.

At this point, Liam was 14 months old and showing no signs of desire to wean.  After a lot of discussion with my husband, we decided that maybe since I had lost so much weight from nursing that my body couldn't handle a pregnancy on top of lactating and that we'd cut Liam's feeds back by one each month.

We decided this together but I was hesitant.  My attachment to nursing my baby boy was obviously more emotional and less rational than my husband's view.  What we decided made sense but I still hesitated.  I figured I'd do some reading and find something to back our theory up and then I'd be good to go.  Plus, surely I'd get pregnant when we cut back to once a day feeding, and Liam could then wean himself from there.  At least I'd have my night time bonding and cuddling with him.  That was the most special time in my eyes anyway.

I did a lot of research.  The vocal, well-broadcasted answer to my question:  "Do I need to wean to get pregnant?" was clearly stated as "No" and sometimes as "Most likely not."  And everything I read said structured feeds that are limited to the daytime only are least likely to interfere with your fertility. I also unfortunately found out that a myriad of women online bash women who consider weaning one child in hopes of having another.  Calling such Moms selfish.  I was obviously even more of an emotional wreck after researching and was still wavering back and forth in our decision.

Then I finally came across something I could hold on to.  Despite this article sending the same message that stopping breastfeeding is probably not necessary to get pregnant, I found something useful in the article Breastfeeding and Fertility by Kelly Mom. It stated that several studies have shown that there is an intermediate stage between menstruation resuming and full fertility.  It is a stage in which you have ovulation without luteal competency.  In other words, the uterine lining is inadequately prepared for the fertilized egg and it fails to implant.  This really spoke to me because it is what we believed occurred with our miscarriage.  My pregnancy tests were lightly positive then faded away instead of darkening, seeming like a failed implantation.

I started connecting the dots as I read more.  My late ovulation and long cycles were a sign of this luteal phase defect, as I learned it was called.  But everything I read on the topic talked about people with PCOS or other fertility problems.  Breastfeeding was never mentioned.  So, did I have a fertility problem?  Was force-weaning Liam going to help my fertility at all?

I loved nursing.  Liam loved nursing.  It really did feel cruel to tell him and myself no without any assurance that I was accomplishing anything by it.

So I hit those message boards I told you about earlier and I found one story, only one, that gave me the reinforcement I needed.  I wish I had saved the link but the gist of the story was that a mother had a 3 year old she was still breastfeeding, very sporadically.  She said it wasn't even every day but maybe every other day or so, strictly on demand.  She had been trying to get pregnant for over a year and had talked to her doctor and read everything online like I had done.  Everyone told her that sporadic feeding like that couldn't interfere with fertility.  Since she was in her 30s, she was getting concerned that another baby just wasn't in the cards for her.  She was convinced by others that forcing her son to wean was cruel and selfish so she waited.  Then, he self-weaned randomly and she got pregnant that same month. After nearly a year and a half of trying, she felt it couldn't be coincidence. She wanted to share her story because she too said she had no idea such little breastfeeding could actually serve as birth control.

That month, our 6th month trying, I had a 44 day cycle with ovulation on day 28 or something crazy like that.  I went and talked to my OB who said that with numbers like that, pregnancy was unlikely.

So, I did it.  I stopped nursing my son.  I cried.  He was confused.  My breasts swelled and hardened. I cried from pain and from sadness (and I now know also from hormonal changes). I gave into one last feed to reduce my physical pain to a bearable level and we stopped for good.  I cried some more but remained resolved.  I kept thinking of that woman with the 3 year old and hoping I was like her.  That breastfeeding was birth control for me.  Amazing birth control.

And it was.  I will never know how long that first cycle post-weaning would have been, but I do know that I ovulated around day 14 (yes, textbook perfect ovulation timing).  And now, I am almost 12 weeks pregnant and very happy with our decision to wean.  My son still loves to cuddle with me.  He gets cow's milk before bed.  He has had no increase in sleep disturbances. He is happy and the biggest Momma's boy you've ever seen!

I wish I could go back in time and reassure myself.  Tell myself that something horrible hadn't happened to scar my uterus during delivery or from the Mirena I had for 9 months.  That I wasn't infertile.  But that I just needed to stop my birth control--breastfeeding. To ask around and maybe I'd hear that sometimes breastfeeding is actually amazing birth control.

Because, since I've made this discovery independently, I've heard other stories like mine. My pediatrician/lactation consultant informed me that she could never conceive without weaning either (and she has four kids). She knows others like me as well.  My mom also vaguely remembers my great-grandmother saying that her mom used to breastfeed her kids as long as they were willing simply because the minute she weaned, she was pregnant with the next.  The stories are out there.  They just aren't as vocal as the "I got pregnant while breastfeeding" stories.

So I'm putting my story out there.  I hope it reaches someone who is going through the same thing I went through and that it gives you the courage to ignore all the hatred people express toward weaning to conceive and that you feel empowered to do what you feel is best for your family.  Because I know that regardless of what others may think, that is exactly what I did.  I stopped my birth control so that we could get pregnant and Liam could have a sibling near his age.  That birth control just happened to be endowed upon me for free from Mother Nature.  And what a beautiful birth control it was for those 15 months that I was able to take advantage of it.

Keep Calm...

Somebunny has an Easter surprise he wants to share with everyone.

Keep calm...  

We're egg-specting! 

Liam is going to be a BIG BROTHER!

Pink or Blue, Baby #2 is expected to hatch sometime around December 1, 2014.

And we are egg-static!

But seriously, all egg puns aside, we are thrilled 

to be announcing that Baby #2 is on his or her way. 

 We are in love already!